Piping Plovers, We Got Your Back!

This is insanity -- some would even call it madness!! Feral cats are on the loose at Cedar Beach, posing a threat to the precious endangered piping plover.

But the township is already on the case, hoping to commission Nuisance Wildlife Control to the dunes to capture up to 20 cats a day, at a sweet price of $650 a day. Figure you can nab two cats per hour (c'mon, how hard could it be), so that works out to be around $65 an hour -- that's better than what we make as editors!

The trapper, according to the Newsday article, would trap the felines with food and then bring them over to the local animal shelter for spaying or neutering. Any way we can set them loose in Sam Zell's office instead?

He Really Didn't Want FiOS....

We don't know if this is an extreme example of Cablevision loyalty or someone simply having a beef with his landlord, but here's an interesting tidbit on a guy who booby-trapped his apartment with a crutch, an elastic cord, and a knife.

The first line of the Newsday article says it all.

The Car Rolling Over and Over Sounded Like the Theme Song to "Seinfeld"



JERRY
What's the deal with the word "brakes"? It sounds like the word "breaks"! A bit too close for comfort, if you ask ME! It's like when you're driving your car fast, and you want to stop, either your car BRAKES, or your car BREAKS! Which is it?

KRAMER
What you need, Jerry, is anti-lock brakes.

JERRY
Anti-lock brakes? Are locking brakes bad?

KRAMER
Oh yeah, Jerry. Very bad.

JERRY
And anti-lock brakes?

KRAMER
They don't lock. They can't lock. They're--

JERRY
Anti-lock brakes. I get it.

GEORGE
My car ALWAYS breaks.

ELAINE
(Cackles loudly.)

The Good News Is, the Bank Waived All the ATM Fees