Criminally Retarded



Like something out of a Warner Brothers cartoon, some idiot (from Selden, naturally) caused a fire by trying to steal gas by drilling into a the gas tank. (Interestingly, it took TWO Newsday reporters to write the story. How complicated could it have been?)

Other schemes this moron has hatched:
• Placing FOR SALE signs with his phone number on the front lawns of houses not actualy for sale.
• Grave robbing for eBay.
• Attempting to break into the main offices of Slomin's Home Security.
• Holding up a bakery because he heard "They got a lotta dough there."

The Victim Was Robbed of 20 Bucks and a Bottle of Shiraz

Maybe Prison Really Is More "Wizard of Oz" Than "Oz"!

Convicted head-cutter-off-er Zachary Gibian is already preferring life in the slammer to life on "the outside," as they said we think on The Shawshank Redemption.

The most telling quote in the article is in the first paragraph:

To listen to Zachary Gibian describe the relaxation of reading six books in three weeks, writing poetry from his desk, and playing his favorite card game, "Cut throat," is to believe he has it made.