We Thought This Was About Richie Kessel's Laryngitis

Richie Kessel and Al D'Amato, Watch Your Back!

Definition of "Blind Leading the Blind"


And at least we know there's no danger of Richie Kessel falling through the gap! RIMSHOT for the obvious fat joke!

The Most Accurate Newsday Sentence Ever

Newsday's article about the replacement of LIPA gadfly Richie "I Dropped One of My Titles But Still Got Paid 165 Grand" Kessel concluded with this sentence:

LIPA, which some have criticized for paying high salaries to political appointees, could see a leaner structure as a result.

As soon as Kessel walks out that LIPA door, it'll feel "leaner" everywhere! (Rimshot!)

Oops!

So LIPA's Richard Kessel resigned his CEO post (while still remaining chairman and collecting the CEO's $165,000+ salary) nine months ago, and never told anyone.

This from a guy who's drawn to a microphone like geeks to a Rush concert at Jones Beach. According to Newsday:

Asked why there was no public release, he said, "I didn't see any reason to do it."

Turns out there were a few other things Kessel has found no reason to publicly disclose:

1. He owns a solar-powered applause machine that he hides behind the podium during his ubiquitous press conferences.
2. He is working behind the scenes to kill Donald Trump's plans for a high-end restaurant at Jones Beach because he wants a Ponderosa with an all-you-can-eat buffet.
3. He is the reason all the chicken-salad sandwiches have gone missing from refrigerators in the LIPA cafeterias.