Nassau County is running into opposition on its attempt to upgrade its radio system by placing antennae on large things like water towers, Richie Kessel's gut, and Al D'Amato's self-importance.
In Bayville, for instance, the village already permits 52 antennae on water towers from cellphone companies, yet suddenly people feel these proposed emergency antennae will cause things like cancer, blurry vision, stunted growth, chlamydia, and a desire to watch "According to Jim."
Long Island Nation suggests the following compromise:
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