We didn't want to talk about the dolphins. We thought the dolphin story would pass. But it hasn't. So, here it is: Dolphins are still stuck in East Hampton tighter than rich-kid jerkoffs trying to heading home from the East End on a summer Sunday night.
The crew in charge of getting rid of them are using the feeble technique of "making noise" to drive them out. But as dolphins are supposedly intelligent creatures (at least more so than the average Mastic resident), they should shout something specific, such as:
1. "Want to see what the property taxes are like around here?"
2. "A car loaded with Tom Suozzi and his redlight-running driver is coming straight at you!"
3. "Not far from here is a 7-Eleven with ILLEGAL MEXICANS mulling around looking for work!"
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