Lawyer Also Argues: "Since When Is Slavery a Crime? Oh, Wait..."


The saga of the alleged Slave Owners of Muttontown continues. In this latest chapter, we meet the classy lawyers for the Sabhnanis. Here's one of their crazier statements.


Because nothing will get the compassion of a jury and the community like comparing a family of rich snobs and spoiled daughters to victims of a devastating natural disaster.

He Only AXED for Change of a Dollar

And in Other News, Your Cable Bill Has Tripled



Not much to say about this, other than it's a good excuse to post photos of the Dolans.

Saying, "My Other Husband Has the Same Tie!" Was the Tipoff


We never understood the whole bigamy thing. Having just one spouse is hard enough on our sanity and wallet, not to mention that whole "I have to go on a little 'business trip'" thing you have to do every weekend.

(Plus, that polygamy show on HBO? Borrr-ing!)

Two sets of in-laws, potentially two sets of alimony. Who needs it? Sure, there's (likely) extra sex, but the downsides are just two much. We mean, TOO much.


One wonders what tipped off the Long Island husband. Maybe it was when she bought him an anniversary gift seven months early or spent her sixth consecutive weekend in Connecticut to see "family" (which wasn't exactly a lie).


What was she doing? Baking herself another wedding cake?

Will Any of CSH Lab's Black Employees "Deal With" Dr. Waston?


As Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory decides the fate of Nobel Prize-winner James Watson, whose recent comments include saying that he'd to think all people are equal, but "people who have to deal with black employees find this is not true."

Perhaps he's talking about Wal-Mart!

Yet There Never Seems to Be a Hot Dog Shortage

Good news for oysters!


Bad news for oysters!

This Was at a Practice; Imagine If It Were at an Official Game

If the Trains Go Just 5 MPH, Mission Accomplished!

Charles Bronson Would Love Him, If Charles Bronson Weren't Dead

Behold this man.


This is John Clifford. He rides the LIRR. He doesn't like noisy riders. Most people don't like noisy riders, even the ones who are making noise and don't realize that they're bothering everyone else.


We often get stuck sitting next to some jackass with his iPod headphones on so loud that we can clearly hear his playlist, which is likely named "Gay Songs of the 1980s." And we sit there and stew. Or we move our seat. But not John Clifford.



According to this very curious profile, John Clifford has punched one woman, poured coffee on another, and extracted other sorts of inconvenienced-commuter revenge several times. So if you ride the train with this man, John Clifford, turn down your iPod, don't slurp your coffee, watch how loud you type on your laptop, and if you fall asleep, don't you dare snore...


'Cause John Clifford's gonna get ya.

We Thought This Was About Richie Kessel's Laryngitis

Half a Mil to Tell You What You Already Know: There's Traffic


Your tax dollars (specifically, 450,000 of them) are at work powering a sign on the Northern State Parkway that can tell you how long it'll take you to get to the Sag or Route 111 from Exit 40. At first, the sign wasn't even working properly. On the bright side, the design of the sign shows that someone's planned ahead: there's room for a third digit.

Childhood Obesity Is Really Getting Out of Hand

Attention, Riders: Watch the Glitch!


The LIRR said that the glitch is also responsible for late trains, dirty trains, broken trains, and people falling through the gap.

On an unrelated note, the LIRR also announced that it no longer has that "budget windfall" it announced the day before the glitch was discovered.

Compare and Contrast

So. Thanks to the box showing what's "most popular" and "most e-mailed" on the home pages of media Web sites, you can get an idea of the type of readership that's, uh, reading.

This is the "most e-mailed" for today's New York Times:


No surprise. Something on insurance, a few of the Times' blowhard lefty columnists who preach to the choir, and a couple of articles covering hot-button issues in the news today. In some ways there's no reason for the readers to e-mail these stories because the readers' likeminded friends probably read these articles already.

Now let's look at the "most e-mailed" articles from our hometown paper:


That's right, folks, the duck. They moved the duck. It didn't break or anything. Let's e-mail that story to all our friends!

And how can that be more interesting than a sex-stung cardiologist or a fake grenade?

Does "Racist" Count as a Disability?

Newsday readers have sounded off on the case of the former Wal-Mart employee with Down's Syndrome and IBS suing the company (normally praised for its hiring of disabled workers) for discrimination after he was fired.

Our favorite comment was this gem from someone called (ironically) Fix Society:


Not to stereotype or anything.

Dolan Singing the Blues?


Well, not really. Even though the he was socked with the $11.6 million verdict (on appeal; good luck with that!) and is facing that other sex-harassment lawsuit we almost forgot about, Jim's got a plan to keep himself and his empire solvent.

1. Because beer sales bring in more revenue than soda, the drinking age at Garden events will be lowered to 12.


2. Love HBO? It's now 300 bucks a month!


3. MSG interns have to sign up for a payroll deduction if they want to bang Stephon Marbury in his van.


4. MSG to sue all Chinese restaurants for copyright infringement every time they use monosodium glutamate.

She Was Also Told She's Got Prostate Cancer



And the test results for hoof-and-mouth disease are pending. But they said she'll have to get her tonsils and appendix removed. Again.

Because We Were Lazy This Summer

Yeah, so we slacked off. We'll try to post more. Okay. Okay? Okay.