LaGuardia's Looking Better All the Time

To the surprise of no one, MacArthur Airport is experiencing more trouble. This time, Southwest Airlines' second concourse has been delayed indefinitely because of fire and other safety deficiencies.

Further investigation by longislandnation.com has discovered the following additional problems at the airport:

1. Airport wasn't actually named after General Douglas MacArthur, but rather the treacly tune "MacArthur Park" (the Richard Harris version).


2. T.G.I. Fridays serves potato skins that actually came from Bennigan's!


3. Bumps on the runways caused by the burial of bribe money to disgraced former Islip boss Peter J. "Baby Face" McGowan.


4. Major delays caused by rerouting planes to the LIE.


5. Hard to find pilots willing to work so close to Selden


6. Many Southwest flights go to Florida. How is that "southwest"? Like, did anyone pass a geography course?


7. "Lost" luggage showing up on eBay from a seller named ISPbagz


8. In-flight movie is United 93 (but only after people revolted against Herbie: Fully Loaded).


9. Rumors of a new carrier: Buttafuoco Air.


10. Airport screeners asking passengers to "remove all metal items, take off your shoes, and show us your tits."


11. Southwest's male flight attendants might…be…gay.