Dead Cablevision Exec Treated Better Than Living Cablevision Customers

And so it appears that the Dolan Family Monolopy has awarded backdated stock options to nonemployees, including a no-longer-living former vice chairman of the company.

It's been learned that Cablevision has also awarded options to the following:

1. Former President Warren G. Harding (1865–1923)
2. Anyone who buys an album by Jim Dolan's band
3. Several trees in Charles Dolan's yard
4. Seven of the nine Jim Dolan clones (still in progress at an undisclosed location)